


The Courage to Love

by amyfortuna



Series: Tolkien Femslash Week 2016 [5]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Coming Out, F/F, Polyamory, Post-Darkening of Valinor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 21:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7522993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyfortuna/pseuds/amyfortuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of the departure of the Noldor, Nerdanel picks up the pieces with Anairë and Ëarwen, discovers something about them, and something about herself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Courage to Love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Tolkien Femslash Week. Card and Prompt are: Emotions, O41, courage

Eärwen was in her element; eyes shining, back straight, talking steadily, the hand not holding a teacup occasionally gesturing gracefully to emphasise her point. Beside her, Anairë, more relaxed, followed along, taking notes from time to time on the folded paper she held in her hands. Her writing was messy and full of shorthand, the handwriting of a scholar who knows only they will need to decipher what they wrote. 

Nerdanel was leaning on the arm of the sofa at Eärwen's other side, legs folded under herself, feeling somewhat out of place. Though she had married the heir to Finwë's crown, she had never expected or wanted power. Fëanor's pursuit of political ambition that it was all too evident he did not actually want had been one of the dividing factors between them; she could not for the life of her understand why he cared so much that Indis' children, particularly Fingolfin, should have no part in government alongside their father. They could not help the fact of their birth or who their mother was, after all. 

And Indis was a good and kind woman, a dear friend to Nerdanel, someone she had known before she wedded Fëanor, in fact, when they ran races together long ago in Nerdanel's youth, before Fëanor was even born or thought of. It was she who Nerdanel had gone to when she left Fëanor, rather than return to her father's house, and it was Indis who had comforted her and sheltered her. They had commiserated over their failed marriages together, for it seemed that in all Valinor it was only they two who were not fully content with their spouses. 

Well, time certainly had a way of causing marriages to break down, that was for sure. Anairë and Eärwen had both steadfastly refused to set foot on the road even so far as Alqualondë. And when Finarfin returned, sorrow set on his brow like the crown he refused to wear, Eärwen at first had not wished to even speak to him, but finally by a messenger relayed her terms: that he was to go to Valmar at once to beg the pardon of the Valar, and only at his return would she consent to see him. 

In the absence of nearly the entire House of Finwë, the wives of the Noldorin princes met in the Blue Room, a reception room in the palace some distance from the Throne Room, which had itself been shut up since Finwë's departure to Formenos. Nerdanel herself had picked the room, in consultation with Anairë, who asked only that it not be the White Room, which was an unpleasant reminder of the infamous confrontation between her husband and his half-brother, and Eärwen, who suggested only that it be one of the rooms nearer the entrance to the palace, for pure practicality. 

Eärwen took command swiftly; she was a princess born, and leadership came as easy to her as breathing. Anairë, ever her faithful companion, followed contentedly in her wake, gladly doing whatever was asked of her. Nerdanel, unused to ordering anyone around other than a pack of boys who never listened, her husband only the oldest boy among them it seemed at times, or perhaps an apprentice or two, felt like an outmoded bit of palace statuary, shoved into a corner until it could be replaced. She was an artist - the skills needed here were organisation and management and a kind of learned confidence that came from knowing your orders would be obeyed to the letter. 

It was more than that, though. Anairë and Eärwen worked so well together that they could have been executing the steps of a well-known dance. Not for the first time, Nerdanel wondered if there was any truth in the rumours which had reached her ears from time to time. Anairë and Eärwen, lovers? It was almost laughable, except for the fact that their air of complicity made it seem completely logical. 

The last messenger dismissed, Eärwen sank back on the couch between the two of them with a sigh of relief. "There!" she said. "A good start, do you not think, love?" 

Nerdanel scarcely heard Anairë's reply over the roaring of confirmed rumours in her ears. So they were lovers after all. What did that mean for their husbands - did they even love Fingolfin and Finarfin? Nerdanel shook her head, the evidence of love between the spouses not only present in the form of their children, but in her own witness to many affectionate gestures over the years. If anything else, Anairë and Eärwen had always seemed on better terms with their husband than she was with hers. 

So was it an affair, born in recent days? She contemplated the situation briefly - the grief heightening emotions, perhaps? But the thought of unfaithfulness to Fëanor, even though they were long separated, was something she could hardly bear to consider. 

"Forgive my interruption," she said wildly, not having heard what Anairë was saying anyway, "but you two are...?"

Anairë glanced across at her, a mystified look on her face. "We are...what?"

"Lovers?" Nerdanel said, half thinking she had been mistaken after all. 

"Oh, you poor confused thing!" Eärwen exclaimed. "Of course we are, did no one ever tell you?" 

Nerdanel swallowed, almost choking on her words. "For how long?"

"Almost forever," Anairë said, leaning forward and wrapping her arm around Eärwen's waist. "We were little more than girls when we met on the beach at Alqualondë and have been inseparable ever since." 

Nerdanel's heart was pounding a little too hard. Her hand shook; she clutched the arm of the couch harder to stop it. "But your husbands...."

"They know, of course," Eärwen said, "since before we were wed, and this arrangement always suited us."

"Did you not wonder why I did not go with Nolo?" Anairë asked. "I could not leave Eärwen behind, and I had to make a choice. I chose her. I love Nolo, of course I do, but he has the children to give him strength, and Eärwen had only me." 

"I..." Nerdanel breathed, strangely thinking of Indis, friend of her girlhood, and then, "I envy you!" she burst out. "Would that I had one who would put me above all the world! How did you manage it? How did you ever come to speak of it?"

"It took courage," Anairë said. "I did not know if Eärwen returned my feelings, but they would not be denied or held back, so I confessed them to her."

"And I met you with a kiss and a confession of my own," Eärwen said, smiling and laying a soft kiss to Anairë's cheek. 

The door of the room opened, and Indis, as if Nerdanel's thoughts had conjured her, appeared, peeking around it. "Are you finished for the day?" she said, looking to Nerdanel. 

"Yes, I think so," Nerdanel said, casting a questioning glance at Eärwen. 

"Yes," Eärwen said, and an indulgent smile lit her face. "Go on, Nerdanel." She lowered her voice. "I wish you courage."


End file.
